process vs. product

Since I'm on a Buddhist Blog webring, I feel a bit of an obligation to write some about how my crafts relate to my Buddhist practice.

I've always noticed a palpable difference between times when I am working on something with the end product in mind versus times when I'm focused on the process. I am totally process oriented and always have been. Quite frankly, I'd be happy to knit swatches all day. However, there are times when I "need" to make something useful, like curtains. It is times like these, when I lose sight of the sheer pleasure of just making a thing, when I, quite frankly, do a lousy job.

Lace knitting is a great case in point. Many years ago, before there were many knitting charts, I tried knitting lace. I was sitting on my living room sofa with an open book in front of me. That book had written lace knitting patterns and lousy pictures. I didn't understand the essential structure of lace. I kept losing track of where I was in the pattern. Over and over again, I kept ripping out my knitting (on size 0 needles, as I remember). This went on for hours. I must have had an awful look on my face, for when my husband came into the room near the end of the day, he said sarcastically "Are you having fun yet?" No, I was NOT having fun. It was hellacious. I had spent an entire day struggling with something that could have been an adventure and I had given myself a headache.

Now, I make lace just for fun and, yes, I love just making swatches. Often, I rip them out after I've finished at least one pattern repeat. Lace knitting is very meditative. One must do a lot of counting. In my mind, I'm thinking things like "knit 3, yarn over, knit 5, yarn over, decrease two stitches left leaning, yarnover. . . ." It is much like beginner meditation. Count your out breaths up till, ten, repeat. . .

And it very much like the sewing of the Rakusu, the "bib" one sews when one decides to "officially" become a Zen Buddhist.